Old people surround me as I lounge on the upper floor of my home town library.   Two to my left, one dead ahead, one just went down the stairs and an old lady standing directly behind me (hopefully she's not reading over my shoulder!)   The one in front of me came up the stairs whistling away, with some what of a smug look on his face, chose a magazine on….I can't tell what, and is now sitting at a table reading it.   The one to my left appears to be looking for…I don't know what, and just pulled out some sort of sports car magazine.   The one to my far left appears to be very sophisticated as he sits in his green sweater and matching socks reading… TIME?   The lady behind me is looking at tapes or videos…and I'm going to investigate what exactly she's looking at.   I walked beside her pretending to look for some tape, following her gaze I saw Harry Potter and "Nancy" something which she just pulled out.   Another old lady just walked up the stairs, carrying a piece of paper and a hand bag.   An old black man just came out of the elevator - OLD PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE!   The old black man is chuckling with someone, who appears to be his pal.   Nancy Taylor Rosenberg - library addition; that's what the old lady pulled out.   The black man is sitting with a white old man and they're chatting about something.   In front of them sits another old black man reading a newspaper.   A kid in a hat, 17 or so, is strolling the isles staring at people.  

When I see old people up here reading their magazine of choice, it makes me wonder.  Are they out of work?   Perhaps they're retired and have nothing better to do with their time.   Do my Grandparents do this because they're old and bored silly?     The old man with the sports car magazine just dropped it and caught it real fast like.   There's also about a million Hispanic people here.   Not very many white folks, except those working behind the desk, and the three old men around me.   I wonder if someone'll steal my laptop and stuff if I run to the bathroom real quick.  I always wonder this, even in the safest places in the world, like Abilene or Gainesville.  Who the heck's gonna steal my stuff in these places?  Apparently nobody 'cause my stuff's still here.    Oop!   Here comes an old white guy meandering up the stairs in a baseball cap. 

I couldn't find a pencil so I had to ask the lady at the front desk if I could borrow one.   (another old lady just came out of the elevator, she's real interesting looking)   I figure, the best way to get over your fears is to pretend that everyone is on your side.   A lady just came by me and told me not to put my feet up on the table, "It's way easy to get mud on the table" she says…She wasn't very old.

Anyways, we just have to pretend that everyone is on our side, and then it's easy to ask for things without being embarrassed or ashamed.   Say for instance you're at McDonalds and they get your order wrong, well just go right on up there and ask them if they can make you a burger without cheese.   If they're on your side they're gonna want you to be happy right?   Then they'll be delighted to make you another burger without cheese!   So don't feel bad!   Or if you feel stupid asking for a pencil because you forgot yours at home, well the lady likes you and thinks your great, you guys are best friends!   She doesn't mind lending you her pencil!   You still have to be humble though, and outward focused; careful not to think the world revolves around you and that everyone is here for your Majesty's great service.   If you turn into that, NOBODY'll want to help you out and you'll be nobody's best friend; not even the nice librarian lady's.

I'm mainly rambling now.   Avoiding a terrible project that's due Monday after school gets back.   I'm really quite hopelessly ruined in that class.   Only God can save me now!   Heh heh heh…   It's the worst class a girl like me could take!   I have to get over my hatred, though, and just do the stuff I hate.   I really hope I don't get a job I hate when I grow all the way up; if so I'm sure to be homeless before you bat an eye!

I just found out, by means of extreme sneakiness, that the guy with the matching socks was reading a magazine titled ATHENS - 100 Years of Flying.   Maybe he was a pilot.   An old black guy just took his seat, and the matching socks guy is soon to discover this!   Another old lady in bright red with a purple, orange and green patterned sweater just came out of the elevator.   I tell ya, man, they're all over…

Yesterday was interesting.   My friend Emily Savage and I left Abilene for Keller at four and didn't arrive till about eight.   That equals lots of traffic.  

Once I got here, though, it was glorious freedom.   I'm staying with Uncle Steve and Auntie Rosie for a day, and then me and Auntie Rosie head out for beautiful Georgia at five tonight.   When I got to my Aunt and Uncle's it was just like I was at my own home.   They practically raised me, that's why I call them 'Aunt' and 'Uncle', they're Jamaican, so we definitely are not blood relatives.   Anyways, they're like my second parents so I was so relieved to see them.   I collapsed into their arms as though I had just fought a war.   It feels like I have; a war of survival.  

I caught them up on the happenings of my life and they were happy and interested.   Uncle Steve stuffed me full of food as a hunter would stuff a rabbit, and then sent me and Auntie Rosie out to the Jacuzzi.   We must've been out there for at least an hour.   It was bliss.   The cool of the night contrasted with the heat of the pool results in Emily turning into a noodle, as Alisha Watson so justly puts it.  

Auntie Rosie showed off the technological machine we were soaking in and I lay floating in amazement.   As the bubbles swirled around us, and my back received a water massage, I lay my head back and gazed at the stars.   It was a perfectly clear night and the stars looked all the brighter because of it.   I kept waiting to see one shoot but my eyes darted too much.   The next door neighbors had their music blasting and the strobe lights going.   My aunt said, "You should hear them some nights!   But I figure, I can either get pissed off at them, or enjoy the music with them!   So for now, I will join them.   But don't make me think about it too much, or that won't last long."   What an awesome lady she is.   I hope to be like her some day.   I bet I will be a less cool version of her, because she, me and mom are already practically the same person.    

When we finally got out of that pool, I stumbled into bed and went directly to sleep, which does not happen often.   It was harmony.

The next morning, today, I woke up at 9:55 and went back to sleep till 10:30 where I immediately jumped out of bed with no hesitation or regret, which also does not happen often!   I washed my face and brushed my teeth and put on a little mascara and went down stairs.   I decided to change my outfit because my clothes were wet from the swim last night (I didn't bring my bathing suit), which I think is a pretty good reason to change your clothes.   Then I went into the kitchen, found a note from Auntie Rosie saying I should call whenever I feel like it.   I did then and Uncle Steve said he'd pick me up in 30-45 minutes.   I said, "Oh! Perfect!"   And then proceeded to make a fine cup of Earl Grey and some toast with jam; when the toast was brown and the tea was hot, I took it outside and enjoyed the sunlight as I read my Bible and prayed to my God.

They didn't end up picking me up, which was just as well, and I enjoyed the day alone with my music.   T'was magnificent.   I went into their carpeted garage and played a bit of pool while listening to The Postal Service's: Give Up - a very nostalgic cd for me.

I called my brother and told him about the awesome bands coming to various venues in Dallas for the month of April and realized just how unfortunate it is that I go to school so far away from Dallas; quite an inconvenience to my meager bank account.   That doesn't seem to faze me, though, because I just bought two tickets for TV on the Radio - WOOHOO!!! I can't wait.   I am really excited. The Noisettes are playing too.   It's going to be so awesome.   Then I found out Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, is coming the 27^th; gee wiz.   Me and Exiguous are doomed.   Some people name their cars, I name my bank account.  

I started praying a lot about going to Nicaragua.   I learned about God's faithfulness in my prayer time.   How he is faithful despite whether we are or not; he loves us even when we don't do our part, he's with us all the way.   It's hard to comprehend, which is why I keep re-learning it, I guess...  

I want to take a bus down there this summer, me, Seth, and Lanie.   And whoever else wants to come.   If you want to come too, let me know.   It'll be sweet.

Dylan and me weeded my Aunt's garden today, and cleaned her patio furniture.   I love my Aunt so much, she made us macaroni and cheese and gave us soda pop, even though Dylan's supposed to be quitting.   I was wearing shorts, a baggie t-shirt, and entirely barefoot (as opposed to halfway barefoot…).  

The pebbled pathway felt rough as I walked to the end of her garden.   Putting all my weight on my one foot, my toes curled around their foundation, feeling each, individual stone as I sauntered.   T'was a glorious feeling; I love to be barefoot.   Being barefoot reminds me of being a kid.   As I took a break from my macaroni I glanced next to my Aunt and Uncle's tree, and to what unexpected end did mine eyes meet other than the most delightful surprise imaginable:   a puddle of mud.   It was squishy and dark and I hesitantly put my foot into it.   Cautiously at first, then deeper went my foot, until I lost all inhibitions and stuck my foot down in that mud and rubbed it all around.   Squishing it between my toes I felt as gleeful as a little girl still in pigtails.  

Feeling the earth beneath my feet (and not just the squishy earth, but hard, dry, cracking earth) brings me such joy.   It makes me feel innocent.   Putting my foot into that mud brought me freedom, freedom from my worries.   I have this bulletin board in my room and on it, a piece of paper that says "Weekly Thoughts"; today I wrote, "As I go through the day and get things done I feel my burdens fall off me, soon to be replaced."   Well, as I stuck my foot into the soggy earth I felt a freedom from my replacement burdens.   By sticking my foot in the mud I realized I was letting go of my worries.   I was enjoying putting my foot in that mud and feeling it squish everywhere, and not thinking about my next paper I have to finish or the English project that is due today, or how I was even going to get all that dirt off of my legs and feet.   I simply stuck my foot in the mud and enjoyed the feeling.   It is important to think less and feel more….of the Spirit.  

Go stick your foot in the mud, let the worries roll off your shoulders as you enjoy the messy moments of life.

Greetings and warm salutations,

" Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.   One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.   The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him." - Romans 14:1-4

We need to stop comparing faith and theology and arguing about doctrine or trying to attempt to convince that our beliefs are stronger, better, or more correct than others.   We can only be responsible for ourselves and sometimes I wish that people would quit worrying about each other and what other people are doing.   It's not their place to do that.   We can only worry about ourselves, we don't have the right to worry about anyone else!  

I do think we should be there for each other and correct, rebuke and encourage (2Tim 4:2b) each other, but not even that until we're in the place to do so - just one example: when we have that person's trust and that person knows that we're correcting or rebuking them because we love them and because we have their best interests at heart.   Or when we know that our heart is right in correcting them.

We gain that persons trust by truly loving them, serving them and listening to them.   Until then, if someone is going to try to tell me not to do something or to believe this that or the other, I'm going to respond with rebellion and be like: "Who are you to tell me that?   You don't even care about me, what you're doing comes across as you just wanting everyone to believe what you believe.   And that's isn't love, so quit judging me please."

Because we are all responsible for ourselves, and accountable to God for everything we do we I feel like instead of worrying about everyone else's bad lifestyles, we should be seeking to know Jesus more and more personally, and learning to care for what he cares about.   If we are doing that   I feel like everyone will be so much nicer and loving and careful about what they say to each other.

Dearest friends, family, and my fellow Believers/Enlightened Ones,

I hope this letter finds you all well, healthy in all aspects, and thriving in your relationships with the Lord.   We serve a wonderful God and He is worthy to be praised.  

This year has been a wonderful one so far.   I have been able to spend a lot of time with the Lord and he continues to teach me new things in my walk with him.   Coming home from Africa was a very difficult time for me.   I found myself unhappy and discontent for the first month of being home, the reverse-culture-shock was taxing on my emotions.   It was hard, going from performing every day, dancing and doing ministry, to having my weeks consist of school, work and Sunday church sermons.   All of the friends that I left are now in college out of state and I missed my South African buddies very much.   But it was such a wonderful time for growth with my relationship with the Lord.   I was so happy that the growth that I was experiencing in South Africa did not end with the trip, I was afraid it would, but the Almighty has sustained me.   He is my portion and I will wait for him.  

In my daily devotion times I would ask our Lord to give me a Scripture verse and Philippians 4:11 would so often pop into my head.   It says, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."   Isn't that beautiful?   Paul goes on to say that he knows what it is to be in want and he knows what it is to have plenty, and that he has learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.   My sister has been going through a really rough time recently and I asked my dad one time, "Dad, if you could say anything to her, what advice would you give?"   He didn't hesitate, "Learn the secret," he said.   I knew immediately what he was speaking about.   I believe Jesus is teaching me that secret and that is why I've not burned out or become depressed in what seems to me, dire circumstances!  

But as it says in the Bible, hope comes with the morning and the summer!   Well, it doesn't say 'summer' but for me that is where my next adventure lies as well as some new hope!   Hope for me but more importantly, for others as well.   People who've no hope, who can see no future in their calamitous circumstances and need someone to listen to them and help them out of their pits of despair. The victims left by hurricane Katrina have nothing left in their lives.   This summer, we are going to bring them hope!   Jesus teaches that we must bring the Good News to the poor and the lost, that we must give shelter to widows, and feed the hungry orphans.   His heart is with the poor and helpless.   That is who I and a team of 13 others, are going to be ministering to in the city of New Orleans from May 27 to August 7.  

I will be a part of the summer staff crew that stays at the AIM base in New Orleans and helps facilitate the weekly church groups that will be coming through for those 2 months.   There are now booked 2,000 people to be there this summer!!   2,000 young Christians helping and coming to the aid of thousands of wounded people left by the hurricane known as Katrina.   That number amazes me, and excites me.   I'm so excited to see what the Lord is going to do!   I know that it will be astounding, remarkable, marvelous, mind-blowing, mind-boggling, and will make us stagger in admiration and awe of theGod we serve.    

Do you know the definition for the word awe?   From the Encarta dictionary awe is defined as: a feeling of amazement and respect mixed with fear that is often coupled with a feeling of personal insignificance or powerlessness.   I believe that at the end of the summer we are all going to be so filled with awe as we stare at all that has been accomplished.  And as the definition says 'with a feeling of personal insignificance or powerlessness' we will know that we had no power in what happened, that we were just the hope-bringers.  

My part in the summer staff team in New Orleans will be to greet the church group leaders and pray with them as they arrive each week, making everyone feel welcome.   I will make myself available for prayer throughout the entire week, and will be heading up a 24-hour prayer room!   Wonderful things result from prayer and when there is prayer circulating 24 hours a day…!   I think we can expect great things from that!  

Please support me in this wonderful experience!   Helping lives get pulled back and pieced together, feeding the homeless, and providing shelter for the ones who have nothing, and literally - nothing.   Offering the hope of a Savior, the only Savior. I believe it will be amazing.   Please be a part of this with me!   I have been alerted that the spiritual warfare has been raging from the dark side and the enemy has been attacking the church.   What better place to begin destructing our faith and hope?   Please keep me in your prayers that I may be covered and kept safe, spiritually equipped and ready.   I need that kind of covering, I do not want to be vulnerable to the schemes of the evil one, he is said to be cunning and his spies are slippery weasel-like vermin.   But God is stronger and far greater.   I am not afraid, but I am aware and so would like to take sufficient means as to making myself prepared.  

If you would like to contribute financially my goal is $3,000 to be raised by the 27^th of May.   

I love you all so much and praise the Lord for the kindness you have shown me through the years and I have felt your prayers and praise the Lord that you are walking steadily with him.   Be encouraged!   May God's face shine upon you, may he bless you and give you peace.

 Your fellow believer,

Emily R. Barnes
http://emilybarnes.myadventures.org

Greetings, O Faithful Readers!   I got my hair cut yesterday.   I hated it at first because it doesn't look anything like the two photos that I gave to the hair dresser.   Supposedly she's fresh out of cosmetology school, so I'm trying to cut her some slack.  And I like it okay.

I'm having a really difficult time not worrying about my circumstances and stuff that needs to happen in my life.   It's just so easy to stress.   Jesus teaches us in Matthew 6:25-34 that we mustn't worry.  From our looks to all the junk on our slate that we need to work through, we mustn't worry.   Each day has enough trouble of its own. Besides, all that we do should be to the Lord's glory in any case.   So if He wants it to succeed, it will.   Who am I to worry about my life when I've surrendered it and all of my plans to somebody else's control anyway?   

My life is not my own, I just must make sure that I'm a good steward of it every day, until my Master comes to claim it in person.  So I have submitted to doing my best in everything I do, and what happens, happens.  You know?

"Don't fret or worry.  Instead of worrying, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns."    - Phil. 4:6 the Message